Profile Of The Clueless
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Ever since she chose christianity over me..
I'm a backslider..
can't find a justification in the bible
-Christians not to date a non-believer-
Is this fair?
We spoke everyday, Exchanged Messages..
Gave me good bye kisses each time i send her home..
..behaved as lovers but we're just friends..
Thou i knew its impossible
Some christians wouldnt mind dating someone else..
Where is humanity?
I need a Teacher!!
And not a pastor..
Last night i made my stand
we should behave as friends..
This goes against my feelings..
Am i right in doing this?
I guess this is how it should end..
to shower love & care by her side..
Friday, May 04, 2007
This post is dedicated to Sarah.
This friend of mine .... has a fun and easy going personality. I must say knowing her for the past 11 months has in fact formed an indelible mark in my life. Unlike the past where romance fills the air between us, now we live as friends. On the emotion aspect of a human being, it’s pretty much difficult to treat her as a friend when everything else says we should we more than we are.
Being a friend, she sure plays her part in showing care and happy moments with me. Though we seldom meet, I do enjoy her companion on the phone. Without fail, we would contact each other exchanging msgs and talks. To be exact, we practically understand the ups and downs of the other party.
I really look forward to receive her msg each day. – As long as she is doing fine, I’m contented. I love her rosy cheeks whenever she smiles or turn shy.
I realized that a platonic friendship between the opposite genders like us can never exist simply because of a reason...
How I wish to exterminate all these illusion and relive memories. But I know for certain – Reality can never be banished and memories maybe forever forgotten.
Nevertheless, let’s just be happy enjoying each other’s company. I’m just a phone call away.
PS – u still owe me my bday present!! =)
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
I've been slping at 4+5am lately. Been trying hard to sleep but couldn't. Why?
My ankle seems okay to me but however rather stiff. I wanna play soccer!! can't wait..
I dread going back to work.. pile of emails to clear and work to follow-up.. Surely get nagged again..
My dear friend.. you gotta buck up n work hard.. plz wake up k..
Shall talk of you no more.. maybe what you say is right.. - "Why should i blog about you"
Gone with the wind.. in the mist of the seas..
Monday, April 23, 2007
In the mist of my 17days MC, it was you who’s came to my mind. Thou days sobered, shadows enlightened, I long for a moment with you. I live in deep remorse filled with regret. Then, I realized the pain of losing someone so dear. Life became meaningless – I lived the hours alone. With you, there is something I look forward to. Without you, my eyes were always covered with tears.
Every night I sniffle myself to bed – the days of “I love you” before bedtime vanished into thin air. Even though we talk long hours, but the atmosphere turned different. You just walked away and leaving me in the dark cold room. I miss your warmth. Remember the memorable cable car dinner we had on our 5th month? whenever I looked to the photos beside me, I could hardly sleep. I don’t wanna be like your brother, I don’t wanna be your best friend, I just wanna be your lover, When will this end?
Today maybe our 10th month if we are still together but a month ago, you left my arms. You spoke apprehensively that day mentioning why we couldn’t be.
Seemed to be I’m destined to be without you.
When will you be back?
- walking aimlessly.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Things arent the same anymore.
It couldn’t get any better.
She suggests,
its over.
Photographs aside thy bed,
As I weep a tear
Living in this misery,
The end so near.
The reason is clear
God paths thy way
I should have understood
I should have followed
I chose the other way.
Forsaken the past,
Reminiscing the memories
Why must thy say,
I love you much so.
You will live in my heart
till the day eyes closed
I cant let you go.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
i will never fail to keep a promise. unless i have a difficulty. =)
3 things about Camp,
Rank
In the army, we got to give respect to people of superior rank. Meaning to say if ah kao is of higher rank than you, you got to pay respect to him. This also mean that if ah kao says you are in the wrong, you cannot say you are correct. You are convicted as the scapegoat. Who in the world lives in this? Yes you are right.
Work
Well, work in the army is such that, we NSFs do “shit work” for our superior. They delegate work to us, we do, end of story. go home. Do wrongly its our fault, stay back Over time. Work well done, its their credit. We get nothing.
Friends
Ultimately, I must say friends from the army are people who are nice and are buddies. Unless for those who live the army with a wrong attitude.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Grievances... i must say..
My officers in my camp are not supportive of me and chose to hear the doctor's side of the story. i'm deeply upset that NSF are been treated with such inhuman acts. The chief clerk told me to pack my stuff and bring my belongings to camp tomorrow and be prepared for Stoppage of Leave(SOL) minimum. In which a charge will carried out against me with regards to my behaviour mentioned in my earlier post. What great disbelief i feel! simply because i slammed the door which constitutes to public misconduct. and my superiors refused to listen to the reasons i vent my frustration. I feel very maglined by the punishment i'm facing but ultimately, there is nothing i can do, just because i'm a NSF, a lowly ranked soldier.
Peace out. Can someone help me?
- out for at least 2 wks.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Boo.. its me again after a period…
I must say there has been a lot going through my head and I would like to share with regards to what has happened.
It was on x’mas day in which I came about knowing this. I was hugely taken aback, shocked and somehow petrified. On the brighter note, I knew that for all had happened, I’m fortunate to have someone by my side.
I have been maligned and am in great disbelief to have been charged on 3 offences: malingering, slamming the door and using profanity by a doctor at CGH. It was only till Sarah’s friend who told her about this; else I would have been kept in the dark. He is a medic at Selarang Camp - An unpleasant one.
Sometime back in December, I went for my medical appointment at CGH. A doctor attended me and he spent 5 to 10 seconds observing my X-ray before seemingly confidently claiming that my Metatarsal Stress Fracture on my right foot had been healed. I was silently doubtful of his medical proficiency and professionalism due to the fact that the previous specialist had spent at least 3 to 5 minutes providing me with the diagnosis while this doctor seemed to have been able to tell everything in less than 10 seconds. I was also exceptionally concerned because SAF MO once overlooked my injury.
I informed the doctor about the slight pain I had been feeling in my left foot and he requested for an X-ray/Scan to be performed on me that very afternoon. I told him that I was not free to carry out the scan at the stipulated time, and I was questioned about the reason behind it. What he did was more of demanding me for an answer suspiciously, in a tone that made me feel like a suspect under interrogation; I was not treated with the respect that any patient should. Nevertheless, I responded, unaffected by the tone he used on me, stating that I had an NS commitment, to which he responded that medical checkups will cover all NS commitments. He insisted on wanting the scan to be done that very afternoon although it could very well have been performed at a later date, as carried out by previous doctors from the same clinic.
When the doctor questioned me again about the reason for not being able to perform the scan that afternoon, I told him, once again, that I could not make it, this time being more specific about what was holding me back - Sarah. This was true, because I was going Christmas Cohesion Shopping with my colleagues, which she was going to join. He came to the hasty conclusion that I was malingering just because I mentioned "girlfriend" after NS commitments. Moreover, I’m not obliged to disclose my appointments. I feel greatly insulted that my integrity has been doubted.
The doctor then agreed to perform the scan on another day and I was told to wait outside his room. The nurse then told me about the details of the bone scan and the $140 medical fee alarmed me. I was shocked that he had not sought my opinion before filing for a bone scan - I then re-entered the room when he was available and asked him why I needed a bone scan instead of an X-ray. An X-ray would be cheaper and besides, the previous specialist could recognise the fracture in my right foot with an in-depth observation from the X-ray film. The doctor did not justify his decision, giving a sweeping statement that a bone scan would be able to determine everything in detail. He did not even bother looking at me while talking, an obvious display of his lack of respect and basic etiquette. Neither did he offer me a seat, ironic since he was supposed to know of my medical condition.
I asked, "Are you going to pay for my bone scan?" He then replied, saying that he would write a memo to the SAF MO I/C and await his reply. I was frustrated by his lack of professionalism and unhelpful attitude, and I felt discriminated against because I was a serviceman. I left the room, ticked off, slamming the door. I exclaimed at the front of the registration counter, “What kind of attitude is this?” Thereafter, I proceeded to the Human Resource Department to lodge a complaint. As CGH does not have the necessary equipment to perform the scan, the doctor wanted me to travel to SGH to do a bone scan on that very day and return to see him thereafter. It was 1.15 pm and traveling to SGH for the scan and back would have taken hours. I would not have been able to return before the clinic closed. The traumatic state I was in was entirely, if not mostly, caused by the doctor’s attitude towards me.
The doctor also claim that I had used profanity; he has, once again, insulted me, by insinuating that I could not find a better way to express myself than to spew vulgarities. If he would like to stick by his claim, I would urge him to gather witnesses as support, if not his claim would not be even remotely valid.
On X’mas, I learnt that I was going to be charged by the SAF MO with regards to this incident. It is disturbing how the doctor took pains to inquire about my camp origin so as to prosecute a charge against me, and that he did so on the very day of the incident. Could this be discrimination against servicemen or me in particular? Moreover, despite being medical-in-confidence, the doctor informed my SAF MO who took the pleasure of spreading to many people from my camp about my medical complaint. Colleagues from the Medical Centre now look at me in bad light because of this incident.
I had always thought of doctors to be dignified people, helping others and saving lives, but this incident has completely changed my opinion on that. This doctor did not treat me as a human being - I was not shown the care and the respect I rightfully deserved.
Where is justice in this world? Should I get punished for a mistake, of which military law protects civilian doctors? Why are doctors stereotyping NSFs?
I’ve been having sleepless nights over this issue. Eye bags, dark rings, dull emotions arises upon. When will this end? I apologize to whomever I offended during this dark period of mine.
But I most certainly must say, whenever I see you, I smile.
Thanks for being by my side. =)
Monday, November 27, 2006
Thursday
It was last Thursday, the sweetest moment of my life. It rained in the oddest hours of the day. Water droplets falls faintly on my palm as I looked beyond the skies saying, “ will the rain spoil my day?” Fortunately for luck, the sun shone brightly on my forehead-signifies cheers, smiles and fun. For once I knew, Thursday’s going be my day, our day.
Was I late?
I ignored her advice to travel by bus. Instead, I was walking swiftly along the streets towards my girl’s front door. I pondered, “Will this be my night?” Traffic junctions I passed as I walked, I perspired. “What a way to begin my evening!” I exclaimed. As I approached the fantasy beyond my wildest dreams, the lift door opened. My heart was beating as fast as a speeding bullet. From afar, I saw a gracious-looking swan appear from sight. I paused and smiled. She’s gorgeous. I had her hand around my arms and finally, this fantasy isn’t a dream after all. We boarded the taxi and headed to Mount Faber thereafter.
Mount Faber.
I was hurrying the taxi driver to speed up, panicking we would be late. Along the way, I was admiring her face, the dress she’s in and her lovely rosy cheek whenever she smiles. Upon reaching the rise of our special moment (the hill), she fell asleep onto my shoulder as held her gently in my arm. Soon, we arrived at the peek of the hill, Mount Faber. She kept insisting that she was over-dressed for the occasion. Fair enough, it was our 5th month. I held her hand as we walked up the stairs towards our dinner. Along the way, we took a couple of photos as memories.
Sky dining
After the snapshots, it was time to board the ride of the evening. Yes, we are having dinner inside a cable car. That’s right, sky dinning. First course was tomato soup served with bread. The soup was warm-boiled served and the bread was toasted to its crisp. We took photos along the ride towards Sentosa and back. The scenery was magnifying pleasant. We watched the sunset in the cable car together as we enjoyed each other’s quiet moments. The second course was steamed-dory fish with mash potato and vegs. I hoped that the serving was bigger cause I had a big appetite that night. But most importantly it’s the person in front of me who is more important. Without her, this evening wouldn’t be whole-heartedly complete. We also had house wine with the fish as we toast to our happiness. Finally, the first course was apple crumple and coffee/tea, accompanied by a surprise for her. A bouquet of 3 lilies, which says, “ I love you my dear”. We went around the cable car for the last and final return before we left Mount Faber unbearably. It was a great evening dining with her.
Smiles
It was a wonderful evening well spent with her. We walked down the hill hand-in-hand. Softly I whispered, “I hope you enjoyed this evening as much as I’ve enjoyed, thank you for making it special with me.”
Lastly
Will you love me still in the morning?
I will, for you.
lex
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Unknown, uncovered, unrestricted. Those are the 3 words which distant me from her. I know for once, I was the spark to the cause. I only have myself to blame. There’s a saying, which goes, if you hold onto something too tight, the more resistance you will expect from it. It will walk, run, and fly. But if you let it go, it will eventually return to where it belongs. Having someone is like a pet in a cage and not about possession. Let it walk, run and fly. In due course, the person will return to you. Caring overboard towards someone will lead to unsettled emotions and being paranoid. I’m sure no one would want his or her love ones to feel so. I’m saying this because I love her so so much. God please forgive me on this. If love’s a sin, let my sin alone for my mistakes. I just hope everything will be back to normal.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
My worst nightmare has yet to be uncovered. I’m injured once again. Suffered a stress fracture on my 4th metatarsal bone on my right foot. Ouch!. Thankfully, it doesn’t hurt as much as before.
Sarah has been so nice and sweet towards me lately. Bought me a Man Utd Jersey and also sent cakes from Angie choice to me. Simply love her loads.
Well its 2am now and I’m watching soccer. Cant get to slp as I’ve slpt 3 hours in the afternoon. Oh well.. time to go.
Also, happy 17th birthday Brother Rex!
P/S: Brigitte thanks for dropping by. =)
Saturday, November 04, 2006
This is from Sarah,
"Dearest Walnut :)
It's been a pleasure getting to know you over the past 4 months and more to come. you have been my pillar and source of strength and i really thank you for it.
* DISCLAIMER: If i ever try to grab your head and bite it off, forgive me, because you're one irresistable looking walnut.
Love Sarah e one & Only
"
On top of this piece of paper.. there is a really shocking .. i shall leave that to our laughers.. =)
Love Sarah loads.
Signs off.
lex
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Dear diary
This entry I shall talk about my life in general. In life, people come people go. Some say “hi, lets be friends” Some say “No”. I realized that many are just passerby in life. But however, it’s about the moments we treasure which make friendship, kinship, and relationship worth remembering. Ultimately is how one can be happy, being cheerful and most importantly, stay positive always.
Friendship is based on communication and respect. Kinship builds on internal love. And relationship works on chemistry and affection. In general, if we are able to juggle all wisely, life is worth living. The joy, which friends bring into me, is simply irresistible. For example, each friend gives me a sense of belonging. They are there for me being playing, joking or as a company. Friends are there when you need them and that’s why I really must say to all my friends out there, “ Thanks for being my friend”
Kinship relates to my family. I love my family truckloads. My parents are currently overseas and I miss them (sometimes I feel good too, cos there is no nagging). Having a aunt living with me is so funny. I enjoy my brothers company as well. When can we go overseas as a family again?
Relationship. Okay. Equals someone special. And that’s none other than Sarah. Like kinship, Sarah is someone whom I really treat as an important person in my life. Although there maybe hiccups or bad minds, but I always look forward to seeing her each day and telling her how much I love her. Imagine that there is someone out there who cares for you and love you as much as you do for her. It’s just so amazing what love can do to someone. Thanks for the surprise dinner you bought for me today. It was really sweet of you! –kisses- Not forgetting the walnuts.. haha i know you love walnuts..
In short, thou I have NS commitments, people to share thoughts, I just wanna lead a happy life like anyone would have wished. Nothing in this world is worth the love shared with everyone around me. =)
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Dear diary
This entry I shall talk about my life in general.
In life, people come people go. Some say “hi, lets be friends” Some say “No”. I realized that many are just passerby in life. But however, it’s about the moments we treasure which make friendship, kinship, and relationship worth remembering. Ultimately is how one can be happy, being cheerful and most importantly, stay positive always.
Friendship is based on communication and respect. Kinship builds on internal love. And relationship works on chemistry and affection. In general, if we are able to juggle all wisely, life is worth living.
The joy, which friends bring into me, is simply irresistible. For example, each friend gives me a sense of belonging. They are there for me being playing, joking or as a company. Friends are there when you need them and that’s why I really must say to all my friends out there, “ Thanks for being my friend”
Kinship relates to my family. I love my family truckloads. My parents are currently overseas and I miss them (sometimes I feel good too, cos there is no nagging). Having a aunt living with me is so funny. I enjoy my brothers company as well. When can we go overseas as a family again?
Relationship. Okay. Equals someone special. And that’s none other than Sarah. Like kinship, Sarah is someone whom I really treat as an important person in my life. Although there maybe hiccups or bad minds, but I always look forward to seeing her each day and telling her how much I love her. Imagine that there is someone out there who cares for you and love you as much as you do for her. It’s just so amazing what love can do to someone. Thanks for the surprise dinner you bought for me today. It was really sweet of you! –kisses- Not forgetting the walnuts.. haha i know you love walnuts..
In short, thou I have NS commitments, people to share thoughts, I just wanna lead a happy life like anyone would have wished. Nothing in this world is worth the love shared with everyone around me.
=)
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Wow.. today was a wonderful day. ha i woke up at 10.30 went to big bookshop to check stuffs for sarah.. after which i went popular but still.. the 5-yrs series is out of stock.. i took bus 291 back to tmart where she came n meet me. we took bus 28 to her mum's new work place.. finally i get to meet her mum.. haha her mum was super friendly luh i must say.. she look young.. like mid 30s. she sure noes how to retain her youth. haha sarah kept saying she look old.. wad nonsense.. haha who would say her own parent old.. hahaha kiddin.. anyways.. after passing photos to her mum at her work place, we went OCH. not orchard my dear.. its Old changi hospital. ha the place is locked. we only went to the ground level and she was scared i tink and left. lol.. after that we went to pungol for some haunted house thingy.. on the way there.. we met my Warren officer, louis on the bus with his family. haha he said that the my gf is sweet.. hahaha i know.. i have good taste.. *grins* When we reached that haunted house. it was fenced up. end up we took a stroll etc.. and took bus back to her hse. haha.. this is how it ends.. i hope that the guys who has been "harassing" my gal will stop cuz even i feel disturbed by their actions. but wadeva it is, i trust me gal n i respect my gal's way of handling her friends. i love Sarah. muah..
Thursday, October 05, 2006
its been 1 mth since i last blogged. blogging has been a on-off routine for me simply bcuz i m too busy or maybe i m too lazy to blog.
1 mth since i last blogged. Things remain the same..work is the old boring routine.. Sarah and i just got better.. we seemed like an inseparatable couple. Every night without fail i have to hear her voice b4 i can get to bed. vice versa.. Her Os are around the corner, cant see her that often.. but still i will b there if she nids anythin..
meanwhile.. i juz took a knock while playing soccer juz.. some malay tripped me while i was running with the ball n my head went bang.. onto the ground. i lost concious for a while( i thot i was bleeding but it was juz nose fluid. some bruises here n there..
will blog again soon.. kinda tired.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Today was just simply great. Sorry dear that I blogged..i just wanna pen down my feelings so that you may understand.. Haven’t been blogging due to some stuff.. It’s been sometime since I last met her and without doubt I miss her loads. Unfortunately today, it rained and the birthday surprise planned for me was cancelled. We were suppose to have a birthday picnic at east coast but ended up having dinner at parkway. She can’t stay out late either so I had to send her home today at 8. but still, I appreciate wad she has done for me. She made a Oreo cheesecake and a birthday card for me. The cake is simple sweet and great! Everything was so nice (cause its from her). Surprisingly I manage to finish the “mini-scrapbook” by today and gave it to her(took me days and nights). She claimed she was touched but she seemed emotionless.. haha but still I know she is touched. Everything has been cleared for her and I really hope she will be happy. Its been really depressing to see her moodless these few days due to her problems. ***Hey dear, I hope you will return to the old re-vitalized gal ok? Her prelims are nearing and I knew that I have to give her space and time to concentrate on her studies. I will definitely miss her everyday as we cant meet that often. Also, I hope that she will really do well for her O lvl. I can’t wait for your exams to finish so that we can spend more time together. I love you baby. –muackz-
Saturday, August 12, 2006
This morning, i went to tann wit sarah at tamp. We met at around 9.30 n to our suprise, no1 was tanning(cuz its too early?) but there was sun. i manage to get tann and she also got darker(not as dark as me). -claps- effort effort~! hahaha.. we left at abt 12.15 and headed to my hse. We met aunt joyce below my block and chatted wit her a while. ha my aunt said she's a nice gal. yup its true luh. no pt denyin she is nice. sheesh.. cant praise her too much else she will .. ahem.. lol.. after which i sent her hm as she had a concert to attend wit her frens at expo. awww wad to do.. my baby is so popular, so many guys after her. haha rite sarah? danial, yx, who else huh..? haha =X alrite jokes aside..i will rmb d nude party thingy again.. - arggggg - hopes she enjoys d concert ya..
Sarah's d best.. =)
P/S: rmb my lexus biscuits.. lol
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Today was really a very fun, hectic(crowded) and obviously a wonderful day spent with my dear. We met after camp at around 2.30. As usual she was late(haha I still could talk to her on my house phone and she left ur house but still I reached earlier than her) lousy.. ok jokes aside, we went to city link to purchase her slippers but ended up at Herens. She bought herself 2 Tops from Zara and I bought myself a Puma t-shirt which looked kinda cool. We went shopping till our legs were so freakin tired and headed to billy bombers at marina sq which she treated me,Marina bay was crowded, cityhall is, marina sq was too. Sheesh. The crowd juz turns me off and we didn’t see the fireworks in d end cause we wud hv a prob gg back hm if we were to stay. So yup, thou we didn’t see the fireworks today, I’m sure we will see it again soon in d near future. Dear, I really enjoyed spending my time today with her. Thanks for the treat! love ya.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Dear diary,
this entry is to the gal i <3.
i cant deny but to admit that i simply adore her. its not because of the feeling. its not because how much i miss her. its also not because the things she does. its the person i've fallen in love with n am in love with which makes me love her over n over again. and also its because of all d reasons above, the feeling between us( this connection nvr dies), the daily ever-lasting-misses as well as the sweet lil things she does which makes me feel so blessed. not forgetting the daily fone calls n e regular meetings. i will always noe that whenever i nid sum1, she will b there for me. i m sayin all these bcuz i'm tinkin of her rite nw. i guess this explains my day's ever-lasting-misses whenever i thought of those sweet lil nothings u did for me. gal u duno how much all these means to me. thank you for everything. i juz wanna express my thoughts in this blog. i love u.
"cant wait to cya tmr.. "
-hugz-